Surviving Networking as an Introvert

Recently, I attended a business mixer at a bar. I couldn’t find parking easily (Strike 1.) I tried to order a soda, and got ignored by the bartender (Strike 2.) I arrived on time but everyone was seated and eating already with no open chairs — did I miss a memo? (Strike 3.) I said ‘hi’ to the few people I knew, who quickly went back to their already-established conversations (Strike 4.) I left within 5 minutes of arriving. Could I have tried harder? Absolutely. But what I know now — and didn’t then — is that this type of networking event just isn’t meant for me. And that if I wanted to go to events like this anyway, I needed different strategies. So I reached out to my amazing network of introverts, wallflowers, socially anxious folks, and shy friends to talk about how to survive professional networking when it’s not really your jam. The resulting suggestions were so good, it would be selfish not to share!

Strength in numbers

If you find networking events stressful, meet up with a friend for coffee first, and head over there together. Or meet a friend outside so you can walk in together. This means you won’t be desperate to talk to people, and won’t be in a rush to leave. Start small! You could even plan a coffee date with a friend adjacent to a networking event, and promise you’ll check it out for just 5 minutes.

Strength in purpose

One of my favorite tips I received is to volunteer to help with setup and arrive early, so you have the lay of the land and busy hands. You could even check out the venue a few days in advance if you’re really nervous (thanks, Sherrie for this tip!) When making small talk, focus on people’s backstories and what makes them special. Think of the event as a learning and connecting opportunity, rather than a “business” or “career” opportunity. People remember when you ask thoughtful questions! Another strategy is to find someone that looks even more uncomfortable than you are and “rescue” them by starting up a conversation (this tip courtesy of social maven Ruthy Taylor!

Strength in format

Try to attend smaller events like coffee meetups or small group workshops, rather than big, loud happy hours. For me, this is the most successful strategy. Instead of fighting with a soundsystem and 40 other people, you’ll typically be given an opportunity to introduce yourself and your business/career to a small group of people. This allows them to come to YOU if they’re interested in what you’re offering. (Check out local events on Facebook, Eventbrite or Meetup.com) When events have seating, either sit in the front so you don’t have to think about how many people are there, or sit in the back if you want to go unnoticed.

Getting past imposter syndrome

Remind yourself that you are here on this earth for a reason! You have something to offer and share. Know your worth, and that you are worth knowing. Remind yourself that what people think of you is none of your business and you can be whoever you are, even if it makes people uncomfortable at times. (The last tip is from Bella and I reread it over and over again!)

Please don’t die with your gifts still inside! — Amber Rae

I love this quote! It actually makes me a little emotional. But I also find it wildly encouraging that if I want to share my gifts, I need to find opportunities to network and connect on an authentic level. And if I can’t find those opportunities — I need to make them for myself.

This article was previously published on Medium.com in Sept 20219.